Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Hunting for Unity

Ladies (and gentlemen you might be able to help too), I need some advice. My husband and I are VERY different. Have any of you struggled with this?  Better yet, has anyone found the cure??

This weekend, Mary McDonald and I had a CVM booth at the Global Missions Health Conference where some 2,500 medical professionals from all over joined to plan our strategy for changing the world. Seriously, at one point, I looked down our aisle of the exhibit hall and saw dozens of conversations going on between people who want to use medicine to transform lives, to save lives, and to bring Life. I was awe-struck to experience so much power for good in one place. Worshipping with thousands of voices on-fire for Christ was so incredible that a 60 year-old veterinarian friend of ours said "Hurry, I don't want to miss one song!" as if he were a 16 year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
These two sweet ladies came all the way from Korea just for the conference! 
As veterinarians, it was our first time to join this meeting of world changers, but our differences in species preference did not stop us from making all sorts of neat connections. Like a medical surplus supplies company who plans to hook us up with some donated medical supply for our missionaries, or a company that makes hand-crank rough-terrain wheelchairs who I'm hooking up with my friends at Kupenda for disabled children in Africa.
Nanse nearly blew a gasket just reading our sign!
We also made some great friends, like this vet tech who's been studying Mongolia for decades, and looking for an organization just like ours for almost as long. Nanse-->CVM-->Mongolia = God at work!

A Kenya Relief booth had drawings for banana-leaf art handmade by one of their workers in Africa. When I got the call that I'd won this one-of-a-kind piece, I was a little hesitant to accept it, since I'm still holding out hope that we won't always be a "House Divided."  But maybe that's not the right attitude...
You see I'm struggling with division, dissension, let's be honest--selfishness, because it's hunting season. It feels like it may always be hunting season from here on out. I haven't asked when it ends, as snide remarks seep out of me as involuntarily as Carbon Dioxide whenever the topic is broached. And even if it does end, I predict it will return to haunt me annually. No matter how many times the deer population is "controlled" it's never enough. Reminiscent of our yearly trips to Mexico to spay and neuter dogs and cats, which would provoke questions about the success of our surgeries if we had to keep returning to sterilize the pet population again... Wait a minute! Vet friends, we could start a deer sterilization clinic!! Have any of you castrated a buck?
Okay, I get it, there's more to hunting than just population control. But don't expect me to understand why my husband lathers himself in deer urine, leaves the house hours before he would even consider setting his alarm for anything else, and goes to sit in a tree alone from dawn till dusk without making a sound, to participate in a "sport" where only one of the opponents knows he's playing. If you ask me, bow hunting's not more sportsmanlike, it would only be sportsmanlike if they both only used what God gave them; antlers vs. opposable thumbs.

What I do need to understand, however, is how to support this madness. Or at least how to stay happily married in spite of it. Suggestions?  Here's what I've tried:
  • Telling him how it makes me feel when projects are left undone around the house while he's playing in the woods
  • Sarcasm and bitterness
  • Suggesting an alternating-year hunting schedule so we can take turns resenting each other
  • More snide remarks
  • Resignation
  • Getting up to make him coffee and lunch at 5am
As always, it looks like Jesus had it right, and He's just giving me yet another opportunity to practice...
"With humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus-Philippians 2:4-5

Fortunately, my uncle gave us tickets to the UofL basketball game this Friday, so if I can't get him out of camo, at least I can get him into some Cardinal Red!

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Your experiencing the the same struggle so many of us who fall in love with hunters face. I've used the theory of joining him in the woods rather than trying to fight a battle that would only end in both of our being miserable. I spend more time shooting with my camera than with a gun or bow and arrow. Being in the woods all alone allows me to reflect on and be closer to all the natural beauty that god has created. The photos I am able to take of all the flora and fauna is so much more than I ever found on hiking trails. To me a successful day in the woods is one where I get to see god's creatures playing and interacting without them aware I was even in the woods with them. The one compromise I was able to get him to make was NO predator hunting or shooting creatures we are not going to eat.

Lauren said...

Thanks Maya! He's invited me, and we've joked about me going out and sewing up the deer after he shoots them. But somebody's gotta take care of our daughter. We can't all just go play in the woods whenever we want. ;) What do you do with your little one?

Leslie Kinsolving said...

Ummmm yes. We have division. I don't have an answer but I can share my story.... When Jason and I were dating I was very into his hobbies and likes. I was apart of them. Honestly, there was plenty of time for me to have a few likes of my own but I didn't/don't have a hobby that I'm passionate about like he does so I assumed the supportive role. I dreamed with him and encouraged him to take the time to do it!! *Sigh* then we got married ;) Actually, then we started premarital counseling! My eyes and heart stopped seeing him as someone that had needs and desires. I saw abandonment of me, our marriage and future family. I wanted boundaries, timelines, answers, more of his time away from his hobby and became unsupportive/unloving and pretty much a dream crusher. My only thoughts were "what about me?!?" After Logan came into our lives some of this resolved on its own. Time is a different reality with a newborn. He was still Jason and still a family man after all so we came first. When I saw him away from his passions I saw the light in his eyes grow dimmer, his laughter was less and his excitement for life diminish. Something had to change. God wanted Jason back and I had to let go. I realized feared him loving something more than me and feared that we (his family) would just get the left overs. SO I chose to give Jason back. Daily I still have to. Only the Holy Spirit can do a work in his heart. Only God can convict him of how he uses his time. My job is to be his helpmate. I knew his passions when I met him. I signed up for this ride ;) and have to find what God wants *me* to do for His kingdom and worry less about Jason. It never fails that the more I pursue Jesus and work on my own gunk my marriage is better. When I'm less "me, me, me!" and let God work there's a lot less resentment!! And I have a LONG WAY to go to get back to the girl that he once dated. In still not enthusiastically encouraging. But I say "ok" and smile really meaning it. Little eyes are watching me now. I want him to see a loving wife so he knows what to look for!!!! Again... LOTS of work to get there. My flesh needs this training. Also, remember that Satan wants division!! Your battle is truly with him. Not Jon. Packing lunch and coffee is a fantastic way to fight Satan!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This summer, after we got our house, I had similar feelings. I would be inside unpacking boxes and trying to get our living space liveable and he would be outside cutting down trees and making big plans for how he was going to landscape our yard. I know that having a yard to work in is something he's wanted for a long time, and I'm happy he has it now, but I did eventually have to say "we don't live in the yard. I need your help in here." It's not an all or nothing thing. There has to be balance. I pray that you find it. I know you will, but hopefully sooner than later xox